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Things you should never say to your Partner – and what to say instead

QuestionsCategory: GeneralThings you should never say to your Partner – and what to say instead
Christopher Okhaleifoh’s asked 1 year ago

What are those things you can say to your partners that will not hurt him or her? And what are those things you should always tell him/her. Lovers can fall out or grow closer because of this kind of statements.

1 Answers
EMMA ONWUKA Staff answered 1 year ago

There are plenty of things that you can say to your partner to make them feel good and remind them why they love you, but sometimes we let the heat of the moment get the best of us and we say things that hurt our relationship and make our partners question how they really feel about us. These are some things you should never say to your partner are especially common mistakes couples make, and saying them can seriously damage your relationship or even end it completely. If you’re in a relationship and want to keep it healthy and growing, avoid these phrases at all costs.
1). I wish we could just have sex without any string attached wish statements are statements that express a desire for something, but don’t actually ask for anything. Saying I wish we could just have sex without any strings attached is kind of like saying I would really like it if we could be friends with benefits. It sounds good in theory, but when it comes down to it, there will always be some level of attachment. If you want something more than friendship, tell them that!
2). You are so much better at this than I am Your spouse might be better at something than you are, but if he or she has expressed frustration over it, there’s a good chance they just want some support. Maybe they could use some encouragement, too. Even if they are better at something than you are, that doesn’t mean you’re useless—you might just have different strengths. Have confidence in those other skills! Say something like: I know how important (this) is to (you). Let me know if I can help!
3). You should know how I feel by now how often have we said something like that? We can’t expect our partners to read our minds, but we also can’t expect them to read our minds. If you want something from your partner, tell them. Don’t make them guess at what it is you want or need. It will save a lot of time and frustration if they know where they stand with you.
4). What do you want from me what do you want from me? is a phrase that can be used as a simple question or as an attack. When it’s used as an attack, it’s often said in response to something else. For example, if someone asks for help with something, but gets turned down, they might respond with what do you want from me? While it may seem like a simple question at first glance, it can actually be quite harmful. Asking what do you want from me? indicates that there is something wrong with wanting anything from someone else. It also implies that other people have no right to ask for anything of their partners. However, we all need support sometimes and asking for help isn’t always a bad thing.
5). You knew this was coming , didn’t you. As annoying as it is, you’ve just started dating someone and he or she asks about why exactly it is that exactly you need a vacation from work. That makes three times in a row that person has asked, and now your answers are becoming less than convincing. You know he or she might be expecting some fancy insight into why you take time off, but how do explain something like that? Surely there are some tried-and-true ways of answering questions like these without sounding as though we’re not working hard enough? It turns out, there are plenty of suggestions on how best to answer some tricky questions.
6). I don’t understand why it borders you if I… others = makes someone feel bad. You may not intend to make them feel bad, but that’s how they interpret it. Instead, ask yourself: What is it about what I’m saying or doing that makes my partner feel uncomfortable? Then try to find a way of expressing yourself without making them feel bad.
7). Don’t say it ever again Saying, Don’t ever do that again! is a guaranteed way to cause resentment. Telling someone they can’t make choices—even bad ones—make them feel like they have no say in their life. Instead, replace those knee-jerk reactions with something more productive, such as asking for an explanation of why something happened or simply saying, Please don’t ever do that again. This way you get answers (and hopefully an apology) rather than silence or defensiveness.
8). Shut up shut up Shutting down a conversation before it starts is not a good idea. It might be tempting to tell your partner they’re wrong or that they have no right to feel a certain way, but that’s just going to make them feel worse. Instead, try listening and validating their feelings without judgment. If you don’t agree with them, then tell them how you feel about it. For example: I can see why you’d be upset by that, but I think we should give him another chance because of X, Y, Z reasons. The point is not necessarily to change their mind—but rather, simply show them that you care about their feelings too.
9). You have to do this you have to do this Everyone has different preferences, and there’s no one-size-fits-all when it comes to sex. If your partner wants something that makes you uncomfortable, try talking about it. You might be surprised by how much of a difference a simple conversation can make. Saying no outright isn’t always easy, but if you can talk about it, then chances are good that both of you will be happy with whatever happens next. Remember: just because someone doesn’t want to do something doesn’t mean they don’t love their partner or aren’t attracted to them—it just means they don’t want to do that thing right now.
10). Always or never always These words are particularly toxic in a relationship. They make it seem like there is no room for compromise or discussion. Always or never statements shut down communication, which is essential for a healthy relationship. Instead of saying You’re always late, try something like I feel frustrated when I have to wait for you. It’s not an apology, but it does give your partner room to respond without feeling attacked.
11). You don’t turn me on anymore Anymore is a word that can only make a partner feel insecure. This is especially true if you’re in a relationship where sex is already an issue. If you’re not feeling sexually attracted to your partner, it’s time to talk about it. You don’t have to jump into some grand gesture of rekindling romance; just be honest about how you feel, and take steps toward making sure that both of you are satisfied.
All the best!